is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
