I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
