ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
