Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
