everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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