first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
