I'm going to rape someone's good day.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
