For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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