Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
