Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
