I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
