I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
