Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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