So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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