booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
