i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
