I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
