I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
