My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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