You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
