Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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