i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
there was a trapeze. enough said
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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