new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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