yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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