You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
