i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Let's get the cat blown out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
