i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
