My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
