I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sober January is a disaster.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
