i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
