What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
