I can tuck mytits in my pants
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
