you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
