Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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