i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
