My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
