i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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