So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
