I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
