her vagina looked like bernie madoff
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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