I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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