And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
