Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
