Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
