STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bring me that man meat
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
