If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
