my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just tell him i said nine months
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
