I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
