I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
