Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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