The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
