We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
