Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
