Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
that is very illegal...i love you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
